Scotty falls in love with Mary Sue, who is then threatened by lens flare.
THE PLOT
The Enterprise is en route to Memory Alpha, a planet that acts as the Federation's library, storing data from all the Federation planets. Aboard the ship is Lt. Mira Romaine (Jan Shutan), a young lieutenant on her first deep space assignment. Mira has caught the eye of Mr. Scott, who trails after her like a lovesick puppy.
They are almost at Memory Alpha when the ship is struck by what at first appears to be a space storm, but is actually an alien assault. Every crew member on the bridge has a different part of their brain paralyzed during the attack - Kirk can't speak, Uhura can't move her hands, Chekov can't move his eyes. Mira is the most affected, blacking out after the attack passes. The entity, which Spock determines is a collection of life forms, moves on to Memory Alpha, and Enterprise watches helplessly as it wipes out the library. But as it turns to attack the ship again, its apparent connection with Lt. Romaine gives Kirk a single, desperate chance to turn the tables on it.
CHARACTERS
Capt. Kirk: In an episode where characterization of the regulars does not appear to have been a priority, Shatner's Kirk at least remains recognizably himself. The scene in which the Enterprise attempts to evade the entity is a particularly strong one. As a note of fear enters Sulu's and Chekov's voices, Kirk continues to sit in the chair, calmly delivering orders. His posture tenses up, but he never loses his cool. In one of the worst episodes of the series, Shatner somehow manages to deliver one of his strongest performances of the season.
Spock/McCoy: Given that this episode is not particularly interested in the regulars, it's perhaps not suprising that Spock and McCoy are more or less interchangeable. Both get to take turns delivering technobabble exposition about the entity, which enables Kirk to pluck a solution out of thin air.
Scotty: Scotty falls in love. Much like the last time this happened, all of his working brain cells immediately dribble out his ear. His romance with Mira is even less convincing than his romance in Who Mourns for Adonais. At least that episode had the sense to treat Scotty's affections as largely unrequited. Here, we are meant to believe that Mira fully reciprocates. This despite a substantial age difference, a lack of chemistry, and a script that has Scotty constantly talking down to her. When he sits with her in sick bay, he literally treats her like a small child! Scotty also discourages her from going to the captain with the things she senses about the entity, even after he witnesses first-hand her anticipating an attack. Finally, even after Mira and Spock point out that if he touches the possessed Mira, she will kill him, Scotty still can't keep his self-control. A truly dreadful showing for our chief engineer.
Hot Space Babe of the Week: Jan Shutan is Lt. Mira Romaine, the focus of this episode. The entire episode revolves around her. The Lights of Zetar want to use her as a vessel in which to live. Scotty wants her... well, just leave it at that. For all of that, she is a fairly thin character. The only noteworthy character quality attributed to her is that she is "extremely pliant." There's an extremely pliant space babe on the ship, and this week it's Scotty who gets her? No wonder Kirk seems a bit terse.
THOUGHTS
Kirk's opening voice-over, which sounds less like a command log than like an extract from a particularly bad bodice-ripper, sets the tone. The Lights of Zetar is not simply bad. Cheap-looking, leadenly directed, mispaced, unimaginative, and poorly written, this is a serious contender for 1960's Trek's worst hour.
This is the second attempt in five episodes to do "horror Trek," and the second failure. But as bad as it was, at least That Which Survives had a decent guest performance and a couple of creepy moments. The direction here is strictly "point-and-shoot," with no atmosphere at all. When the landing party beams down to Memory Alpha, McCoy makes a remark about how unsettling it is to beam down into darkness... even though the lighting is brighter than it is in some shipboard scenes!
The ending sees Kirk saving the ship by coming up with a brilliant plan to trap the creature in a pressure chamber. Great thinking, Kirk! So, um, where did that idea come from? It's entirely possible that I nodded off for a few minutes and missed something. Nonetheless, I saw nothing in McCoy and Spock's data tapes, and nothing in the very brief interview with Mira, to give Kirk the needed inspiration for this plan. I guess he just read the script (punishment enough, in this case).
Lastly, given that the phasers were having an impact against the entity, I'm disappointed that not one member of the command staff voiced the reality of numbers. If they continue firing phasers at the entity, it will kill Mira. That's a shame and all... but there are 430 people on the ship! Kirk should have left orders to fire if the entity approached, regardless of the consequences to the pretty young lieutenant. Kirk's not that sentimental. And even if he was, Mr. "Kill Mitchell While You Still Can" Spock should have been ready to at least make the obvious recommendation.
Rating: 1/10. Bad. Very bad.
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